The Prince: Sure, let's find an inn in a small town and be roomies.Ĭhorus: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GUYS FIND EACH OTHER WITHIN 2 CHAPTERS? The Assassin: Just chilling, man, you know. What are you doing in these neck of the woods? The Assassin: Oh, hi, random stranger, fancy meeting you here. Falling in love is totally out of the question. I am neither old, decrepit, or smelly! I will only chase after Lia because I have to. The Prince: I am a prince! The prince who was supposed to marry Lia. The Assassin: I am an assassin! I will find Princess Lia! I will kill her, because it's my motherfucking job! Lia and Pauline: Nay! We're running away right now! *hops on horses and rides off* Pauline: Whatever you say, my lady! I will abandon my position, risk my life, abandon my long-time love, Mikael, leave everything I have ever known behind in order to fulfill your wish!Ĭhorus: That's a bit much, don't you think? Lia: Let's run away after completely ruining a centuries-old gown and completely disregarding all tradition! Screw my family! Screw them, I say! Lia: I am a princess! I am rebellious! I am worthless! It is my wedding day and I'm going to run away because I can't bear to be trapped in a marriage that will secure the peace between the two nations and I think my future husband is going to be a hideous old douchebag!Ĭhorus: He probably smells, too!!! But what about the peace?! The Prince: the prince who got jilted by Lia when she runs away, he pursues her only to fall further in love with her! The Assassin: the fucking moron sent to kill Lia, who can't do his fucking job! Pauline: her devoted maidservant who is devoted to devoting her job and devoting her life to her princess Lia: a lovely young 17-year old Princess of a generic High Fantasy Kingdom Also, I'm at work, and even in my cubicle, they'd probably frown upon me wearing a bathrobe, however chill my boss is. Wearing a blanket over my head because I don't have a white bathrobe. It is not a high fantasy when the main character spends the entire fucking half of the book pretending to be a serving maid, daydreaming, and trying to decide which of two mysterious strangers she likes more.Įvery Greek play has a Chorus. The entire play can be set on one stage with almost no scenery changes because I swear to fucking god nothing fucking happens in this book. THAT'S RIGHT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE HAVE A FUCKING LOVE TRIANGLE. A Dramedy, not to be confused with a dromedary, because a dromedary only has one hump. I present you a short version of the book: Kiss of Deception: A Greek Dramedy.
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